Ugh...Me.

Self explanitory title. I can't believe some of the crap that spews out my mouth, especially today. What a hypocrite I am, saying that other people are crappy friends to me when in fact it is me who is so craptastic. I need to change but the thought is so overwhelming. It is so frusterating for me to find a balance between joy, being loyal to my friends, not being a stereotypical human, and trying to serve God. This whole situation with Grant doesn't help either, I know that he's not right as much as I want him to be because I like the attention. I feel like I met my husband but I have this feeling that he will never think the same way because he is so much older than me. I am young and immature in his eyes I am sure. Plus I know he loves Sacia and Sacia loves the attention and gives and gets it from him whenever she can and it always seems the most obnoxious when I am around.... it's like not that stab to the heart but something way more subtle but it still makes me hate men and the fact that they have all the control! I need to approach Sacia and make things more real with her and not be so wishy washy with her in terms of being her friend..... there is so much I don't know about her. I'm so scared God about moving and about graduating and not being able to be apart of this school anymore like a part of me is dying. I didn't get that much time either which pains me too. God let my life bear fruits and may I get my head out of the ground. Love you lots. Sasha.