Ugh...Me.

Self explanitory title. I can't believe some of the crap that spews out my mouth, especially today. What a hypocrite I am, saying that other people are crappy friends to me when in fact it is me who is so craptastic. I need to change but the thought is so overwhelming. It is so frusterating for me to find a balance between joy, being loyal to my friends, not being a stereotypical human, and trying to serve God. This whole situation with Grant doesn't help either, I know that he's not right as much as I want him to be because I like the attention. I feel like I met my husband but I have this feeling that he will never think the same way because he is so much older than me. I am young and immature in his eyes I am sure. Plus I know he loves Sacia and Sacia loves the attention and gives and gets it from him whenever she can and it always seems the most obnoxious when I am around.... it's like not that stab to the heart but something way more subtle but it still makes me hate men and the fact that they have all the control! I need to approach Sacia and make things more real with her and not be so wishy washy with her in terms of being her friend..... there is so much I don't know about her. I'm so scared God about moving and about graduating and not being able to be apart of this school anymore like a part of me is dying. I didn't get that much time either which pains me too. God let my life bear fruits and may I get my head out of the ground. Love you lots. Sasha.

My tribute to the past

I miss those wonderful days of the first semester and year for that matter that I got to Stout. Meeting new people, trying new things, hanging out. I miss the random trips over to each other's rooms and hanging out everynight of the week never getting anything done. I know that I am living in the past by a post such as this one, but I miss the innocence and newness and excitement of those first few months. I miss having Luke as a friend, I wish that we had never dated, and could of been best friends like we were before. Now I see friends once in awhile and never the ones that I meet then, I'm not saying that is bad but it was nice to have friends my age who are around to chill whenever.

I don't understand this world...or myself

it seems this world is so redunant, we love the same fashions and they cycle through constantly, we love knowing what chair we are going to be sitting in each time we go somewhere we go a lot (class, church, etc.) we as humans love routine, we love knowing what needs to happen when and why and where. It seems that this world is obbessed with this natural human behavior and we cannot break free from it. I myself hate cliches. there are to many horrible cliche things that one can say and people take it as a grain of salt and move on. Why is it when someone is hurting from something or anything that we have only cliche things to say to them to make them feel better? It makes them feel worse because it says to me that they do not care. Why must we hold back our true feelings? especially if they are from God. That brings me to my point, why is christainity today so cliche? I'm not talking just listening to christian music and wearing all the right christian clothes the heart of what I am getting at is talking, talking, talking and never walking. Why do we say all these things and not actually do them? for me lately it feels like I am overwhelmed by being underwhelmed. School has not been strenious and I have alot of extra time to do whatever, so when it comes down to it I have all this time but I get so anxious about how I am going to use this time I end up wasting it being a cliche christian. I want so badly to act and use this time to glorify God but I don't know how.